It’s hard to believe I am 30 days into my 365 day goal of blogging! It’s been eye-opening, liberating, empowering, frightening and amazing all at the same time. As I hit the one month mark today I’ve realized the most important piece of blogging is to stay focused on writing for yourself. Meaning, keep your eye on the prize and don’t be distracted by what is or is not happening around you. There may not be much encouragement, or even constant support. Many may read, few may comment, and you may have those that support you everyday but are reluctant to share that. It’s a world and a hobby that only others who love blogging just as much understand. As I journey on towards improving my personal knowledge of blogging best practices, fine tune dreams and stretch myself creatively I summarize the last 30 days into the following;
(1) No matter how wild, crazy or far-fetched something may seem. If you want it, go get it!
(2) What other people think of you (or your work) is underrated. Creativity is meant to be interpreted in millions of ways, shake off what you don’t like and keep the rest. =)
(3) Blogging is much different from writing down thoughts in your notebook at home. Ha!
(4) Having something “for you” is a wonderful way to continue spreading happiness and love to your family, friends and others who need you!
(5) 30 days just might be the habit-forming recipe? It drives me crazy when I am not in a position to log in and type away!
Well, on to the next 30 days! Thank you to all who’ve supported the journey thus far and welcoming all those who want to join in!
I read a very interesting article posted on cnn.com a few days back and it’s been on my mind. The article was warning parents about some of the new acronyms on the street and how to stay hip. A few that have been forever burned in my mind include;
GYPO-Get Your Pants Off
PIR-Parent in Room
NIFOC-Naked in Front of Computer
CU46-See you for Sex
The rest of them baffled me too, as my first thought was sheer horror kids aren’t even attempting to spell out their thoughts anymore! How can a parent compete with that? How in the world am I supposed to hover over cnn, msn, Oprah and the likes to give me tidbits of information on ways to communicate with the bots that are now our children? My second thought was, of course, a personal one. Are my kids using this language? We have two children with cell phones and I take a cruise around the phone every once in a while but the truth is with Kick, SnapChat, text messaging and email how in the world are we supposed to keep up?
I believe the answer to that question is relative to two very important things in a relationship between parent and child;
If your child isn’t responsible or trustworthy than they more than likely are not ready for a cell phone. Society is putting on the pressure but don’t cave, it will only cause more problems than it’s worth.
The other strategic move to set in place is the village. By village, I mean other parents. We must have multiple people keeping after our kids and willing to share what they may have seen in their kid’s phone about your kids etc. The village has become more important than ever this day in age, build it up!
I figure if none of this works and I still find myself drowning in the abyss of teen social media, I can remember three things:
(1) Their kids people! My home, my rules, my way.
(2) He/she who pays the bill, controls the phone.
If they really push, kids should become familiar with an acronym they will have no choice but to communicate in person at school.
(3) MCMPO: Mom Cut My Phone Off
Just remember parents, this is a two-way street & we can’t forget that. There was a time we lived without cell phones and our kids can certainly survive it (and we can too parents)! If cell phone etiquette isn’t to your standard than take that phone away and shape that kid up until it is! The real danger in a kid’s phone is the parent who is afraid to poke around, unwilling to take action and feels trapped by the social pressure!
I’m always open to suggestions, cell phones can be tricky business!
For some reason I woke up this morning with the thought what about me? What about me, the working mom? I’ve read many blogs, posts, articles, comments and feelings on the stay at home mom. Their many sacrifices, the difficulties of staying home and the lack of understanding the world and often their husbands have for them. Well, I think the world has a lack of understanding for me too, for all working mothers! The working mother has also made a host of sacrifices and much like the stay at home mom, it takes a shot at her career.
#1 Sacrifice: I’ve returned to work after each maternity leave and I’ve often wondered where does all the juggling really get you? I’ve had the thought many times that I certainly have potential to be in the top ranks of some business by now if it weren’t for the “mommy track”. What’s the mommy track? I’m glad you asked. The mommy track is that very invisible line corporations draw between you, your actual contributions vs. their perceived contributions. In plain English it means, “I can work late whenever you want, I can be here as early as you need me, I’ll never want to chaperone a field trip, I’ll never have to leave work five minutes after I arrived for a fever at school, and I’ll never-never never ask for a week off at time to be home for (choose one, there’s too damn many) break! Yea, that’s actually what they want to hear. The reality is, that’s actually EVERYTHING the mommy track will ask for plus working from home if you’re really a negotiator! Ha! Unfortunately, the mommy track often leads to your actual contributions being perceived much lower than actual value. Surely a semi chaotic, very spontaneous, semi inflammatory, I mean explosive (not helping) calendar worth the tapered lenses we’re often viewed through? Society says?? (insert your opinion here)
#2 Guilt: In addition to the ticking time bomb calendar there’s also days where I’m quite certain we could equal our body weight in the number of tears we’re fighting back heading to the office having sent a child to school a little unsteady. It can be a lot of guilt! STOP! Before you judge, by unsteady I mean; a splinter in a foot, a cheese sandwich with no cheese (oops), an unsigned permission slip, a hole in the khaki’s, a permission slip marked cannot chaperone etc. Yes, we’re ALL mothers…fevers, green goo, pink eye etc. YES! We stay home too. Clearly, all items are survivable, but none the less the things we beat ourselves up about all day long (while working).
#3 The Trophy: Ahhh, the sought after “trophy wife”. I’ve read in so many blogs this is the part where stay at home mom’s often say we have the advantage? We get the pleasure of heading to husband’s Holiday Party, cocktail party etc. and having an all too impressive resume to dazzle his coworkers. It’s more than “I’m a mom.” In reality the five-minute elevator speech about our high-powered careers left out the following; before work I wrestled with a blood blister on a ballerina’s foot, frantically ran after boys making sure they remembered deodorant, picked out a tie for the hubby, asked myself 100 times should I iron this shirt or not? (the answer is always not), fussed in the carpool line while listening to my email notification “bing” my ears to death and calculating if I have enough time to grab coffee. Note: Traffic never allows time for coffee.
I also left out while at work; sat on hold to request a fax from the Dr’s office for one child, while taking a business call on my desk line, responded to the teacher’s email, got a phone call from the school about said blister and also managed to accomplish returning an insane amount of emails, attend meetings on time while earning that paycheck baby! You don’t get to say all of this at the Holiday Party but it’s what you’re thinking! Note: Assistant? Something to consider.
#4 Adult Interaction: Let me keep this short and sweet. The adult interaction at the office often leads to emails that raise my blood pressure, conversations that raise my blood pressure, meetings that raise my blood pressure and unhealthy frequent lunches that raise my blood pressure. Do you see the pattern here? An advantage? I suppose it depends on who’s paying for lunch? Okay. I am glad we cleared that up. Moving on…
#5 Lack of Understanding: If I read one more blog that says “my husband doesn’t understand what I do all day.” Ladies, they’re men! Do you think being a working mother somehow mysteriously makes him an all-knowing expert on any one thing I juggled in a day on top of item #1, #2 and #4. Husbands don’t get the working woman either.
So you see ladies, the moral of the story is we have it hard too. Some would say harder but that’s not for me to judge. We all made our choice. I haven’t walked in any other shoes but my own and I make an effort to understand all walks of life and that’s all I’m trying to do here (be understanding and be understood). The common thread between all of us is motherhood! We keep our guilt, our adult interaction, lack of understanding etc. in different places in different ways. There’s no right or wrong choice, and we’re all being challenged to raise our kids the best way we know how.
To all mothers…keep being amazing!
There’s really no rhyme or reason with you
I set myself up again
I worked out, didn’t eat too late
Drink too much
Showered, and didn’t wait too late
I brushed my hair up, away from my face
Temperature of the room was just right
The pets and kids were quiet, television off
It seemed like the mood was just right
I was gleeful with anticipation to share another night with you
Yet you stood me up, left me to my own thoughts
Left me restless, basically totally screwed
My alarm is now blaring, the sun is peeking in
I’m starting my morning grouchy and pissed off
Oh sleep, why did you do this to me again?
We both know I’ll be back tonight, hopeful, just the same as before
I suppose I better get dressed now…
I have not another minute to fight with you
I don’t know why you do this to me
There’s really no rhyme or reason with you
Is there anything worse than coming out from a meeting or lunch that ran late and having a parking ticket on your car? Well today, as I was parking, I noticed the meter maids lurking about on the street. I also noticed the car beside me either didn’t bother to pay parking (which is always a possibility) or he was in fact running late (it happens). Whether they paid parking or not didn’t matter to me and we have to take this attitude more often in life when opting to do a good deed. I paid for my parking, and I also dropped another 30 minutes into a perfect stranger’s meter. Again, whether the perfect stranger realizes their tardiness was covered doesn’t matter to me. I’d like to think I just reserved a small piece of good karma somewhere in the universe. Perhaps in the form of my very own perfect fairy day maker? Let’s face it, the meter maids are a lot faster than we are! We could all use a little help from time to time!
You too can be a Fairy Day Maker! It’s the little gestures that make a big difference.
The Wife with a “Y”, lifestyle or cover up?
In this day and age the term wife and wifey have become completely synonymous. Why are so many women getting caught up on the “Y”? It’s being flaunted as if it’s an imaginary ring, an equally strong commitment or a substitute for the bigger issue, is this man going to marry you? While I strongly believe marriage is not for everyone, any woman willing to be called wifey more than likely wants to be married, is hopeful that is the direction the relationship will take and secretly holds this as her deepest desire for the man she’s with. No need to be coy, when you know you know but the feeling ought to be mutual.
Let’s face it ladies, men will do what you allow them to do. Respect is defined by showing what you want for yourself, and setting the standard that nothing less than what you deserve will be acceptable. Dating endlessly, living together with no goals and allowing yourself to serve in a household as wife with a “Y” has to raise some eyebrows for you? Why the “Y”? What not action?
The urban dictionary defines wifey as “a real lady, not your only but your favorite, different from them hood rat chicks. Sexy in every way possible, when she smiles it’s sexy, even when she’s mad at you it’s sexy. That same dictionary defines wife as the woman you marry and live with for the rest of your life. Now, we all know there are much more detailed accounts of the meaning and purpose of a wife in the bible, Quran, dictionaries and other literary references. The underlying point here is the wife with a “Y” is on top of all the rest (the rest of what? Aren’t we in a relationship), and she’s a step above those “hood rat chicks”. I am no expert here but does that say to anyone else he’s just not that into you?
Don’t get caught up on the “Y”…
(1) A man who intends to marry you wouldn’t settle for the wife with a “Y” either. Let’s face it, he looks and is a much better man with you in his life. If you’re dating a man who doesn’t know this after all the years invested, RUN!
(2) A wife knows there is no “list” to be on top of. Not only is she the favorite, she is the ONLY 1 and number 1.
(3) The wife with a “Y” is the “cool for now” chick, “side chick”, “when I’m low chick”. There is a reason you have to carry that extra letter around and it’s only removable when he finds “the one” which probably isn’t you.
(4) If being introduced as his boo thang/wifey/baby mamma/down chick etc. (depends on the day) doesn’t make you cringe? A quick self-esteem check is most likely in order and if you check yo self and it’s not ok (which it shouldn’t be) RUN!
(5) A man with a plan doesn’t need the “Y”, he’s already answered the question of why he should marry you and is showing you the path to becoming his Mrs.
These are the rules of engagement ladies. The wife with a “Y” should be asking herself that exact question, why the “Y”? No more cover up.