Working Mothers: What about Us!?

k13816553

For some reason I woke up this morning with the thought what about me? What about me, the working mom? I’ve read many blogs, posts, articles, comments and feelings on the stay at home mom. Their many sacrifices, the difficulties of staying home and the lack of understanding the world and often their husbands have for them. Well, I think the world has a lack of understanding for me too, for all working mothers! The working mother  has also made a host of sacrifices and much like the stay at home mom, it takes a shot at her career.

#1 Sacrifice: I’ve returned to work after each maternity leave and I’ve often wondered where does all the juggling really get you? I’ve had the thought many times that I certainly have potential to be in the top ranks of some business by now if it weren’t for the “mommy track”. What’s the mommy track? I’m glad you asked. The mommy track is that very invisible line corporations draw between you, your actual contributions vs. their perceived contributions. In plain English it means, “I can work late whenever you want, I can be here as early as you need me, I’ll never want to chaperone a field trip, I’ll never have to leave work five minutes after I arrived for a fever at school, and I’ll never-never never ask for a week off at time to be home for (choose one, there’s too damn many) break! Yea, that’s actually what they want to hear. The reality is, that’s actually EVERYTHING the mommy track will ask for plus working from home if you’re really a negotiator! Ha! Unfortunately, the mommy track often leads to your actual contributions being perceived much lower than actual value. Surely a semi chaotic, very spontaneous, semi inflammatory, I mean explosive (not helping) calendar worth the tapered lenses we’re often viewed through? Society says?? (insert your opinion here)

#2 Guilt: In addition to the ticking time bomb calendar there’s also days where I’m quite certain we could equal our body weight in the number of tears we’re fighting back heading to the office having sent a child to school a little unsteady. It can be a lot of guilt! STOP! Before you judge, by unsteady I mean; a splinter in a foot, a cheese sandwich with no cheese (oops), an unsigned permission slip, a hole in the khaki’s, a permission slip marked cannot chaperone etc. Yes, we’re ALL mothers…fevers, green goo, pink eye etc. YES! We stay home too. Clearly, all items are survivable, but none the less the things we beat ourselves up about all day long (while working).

#3 The Trophy: Ahhh, the sought after “trophy wife”. I’ve read in so many blogs this is the part where stay at home mom’s often say we have the advantage? We get the pleasure of heading to husband’s Holiday Party, cocktail party etc. and having an all too impressive resume to dazzle his coworkers. It’s more than “I’m a mom.” In reality the five-minute elevator speech about our high-powered careers left out the following; before work I wrestled with a blood blister on a ballerina’s foot, frantically ran after boys making sure they remembered deodorant, picked out a tie for the hubby, asked myself 100 times should I iron this shirt or not? (the answer is always not), fussed in the carpool line while listening to my email notification “bing” my ears to death and calculating if I have enough time to grab coffee. Note: Traffic never allows time for coffee.

I also left out while at work; sat on hold to request a fax from the Dr’s office for one child, while taking a business call on my desk line, responded to the teacher’s email, got a phone call from the school about said blister and also managed to accomplish returning an insane amount of emails, attend meetings on time while earning that paycheck baby! You don’t get to say all of this at the Holiday Party but it’s what you’re thinking! Note: Assistant? Something to consider.

#4 Adult Interaction: Let me keep this short and sweet. The adult interaction at the office often leads to emails that raise my blood pressure, conversations that raise my blood pressure, meetings that raise my blood pressure and unhealthy frequent lunches that raise my blood pressure. Do you see the pattern here? An advantage? I suppose it depends on who’s paying for lunch? Okay. I am glad we cleared that up. Moving on…

#5 Lack of Understanding: If I read one more blog that says “my husband doesn’t understand what I do all day.” Ladies, they’re men! Do you think being a working mother somehow mysteriously makes him an all-knowing expert on any one thing I juggled in a day on top of item #1, #2 and #4. Husbands don’t get the working woman either.

So you see ladies, the moral of the story is we have it hard too. Some would say harder but that’s not for me to judge. We all made our choice. I haven’t walked in any other shoes but my own and I make an effort to understand all walks of life and that’s all I’m trying to do here (be understanding and be understood). The common thread between all of us is motherhood! We keep our guilt, our adult interaction, lack of understanding etc. in different places in different ways. There’s no right or wrong choice, and we’re all being challenged to raise our kids the best way we know how.

To all mothers…keep being amazing!

Advertisements

Insomnia

There’s really no rhyme or reason with you

I set myself up again

I worked out, didn’t eat too late

Drink too much

Showered, and didn’t wait too late

I brushed my hair up, away from my face

Temperature of the room was just right

The pets and kids were quiet, television off

It seemed like the mood was just right

I was gleeful with anticipation to share another night with you

Yet you stood me up, left me to my own thoughts

Left me restless, basically totally screwed

My alarm is now blaring, the sun is peeking in

I’m starting my morning grouchy and pissed off

Oh sleep, why did you do this to me again?

We both know I’ll be back tonight, hopeful, just the same as before

I suppose I better get dressed now…

I have not another minute to fight with you

I don’t know why you do this to me

There’s really no rhyme or reason with you

Single? What Your Closet May Say About You!

closet

I woke up this morning to the site of a closet overflowing. Filled from top to bottom with shoes, hats, clothing and random belts and purses lopsided on the shelf. It’s clear our impending move could not come at a better time, we’ve outgrown our space. In years past, waking up to this site would have immediately put a crooked smile on my face and urged me to overlook really important things in life to reorganize this dastardly site. Thank goodness I’ve matured a bit in this lifetime.

Today, instead of the crooked smile it made me fondly look at my husband as I remembered my life just a few short years ago. When we began dating he would poke fun at the organization of my closet. The color coding, the neatly placed belts and shoes, the boxes filled with neatly stacked purses and more. While he appreciated the organization, I recall him saying to me one day “there’s no room in your closet for me?” He then went on to explain that I parked in the very middle of my 2 car garage, I utilized every single inch of space in the closet, all the drawers in my dresser and I often had a single Dr. Pepper in the refrigerator. I, of course, took his observations to mean that I was a super put together single woman powerhouse and what more could he want from me? The observations said to him the available space in my life was looking extremely limited and where exactly did he fit in this picture? After giving this clever metaphor some thought it turns out he was absolutely right! As much as I enjoyed spending time together I had never considered “making room for him” in that way inside of my tidy little life. I mean, why in the world would I ever consider a new system in my closet, garage, or Dr. Pepper runs? It had been that way for years! Well, you do consider those things when you open your heart to everything love has to offer. I was guarded, he recognized that and the clever metaphor was the beginning of the end of my single lifestyle as I knew it.

In four years I managed to take the color coded closet (still is on my side-ha!) and make room for his not so color coded semi organized WE closet. It started with me clearing a drawer for him and that drawer turned into a marriage. So you see, I couldn’t be happier to wake up to a closet that is far from the closet of my dreams. It will forever represent a part of myself that I had to let go and remind me daily of all that I gained by doing so.

My single closet is now a distant memory but I’d like to challenge any single women looking for love to inventory their single ways, how much space is available for Mr. Right?

Saturday Shenanigans

4010

Morning breath, Syrup, Eggs and Orange Juice

Sweeping, sleeping, dancing, cleaning and ringing door bells too

Chatty mornings on the phone, paper crinkling, and newsfeeds scrolling on

Cats meowing, dogs barking, and child’s play on high

Spooning in bed, playing footsie

Morning sex? Yes! Okay

Steamy showers, cologne, lotion, and coffee mixed with perfume

Kids bed head, curling irons heating, and laundry on the stairs

Open windows, cool winter breeze and sun pouring in

To do lists, trash overflowing, laughs and what to do on the brain

Dryer sheets, folding clothes, and possible nap time on the way

More sex, maybe? Okay, yes!

Blair cartoons and sneak away

Closed door romance, music, and what did I forget to do?

Door knocks, Lifetime and mangled hair dos

Jeans and tees, no ironing

All the food you can eat

Cheat day, sleep day, me day or we day

Saturday Shenanigans, the best! Who cares what we do!

12-year-old killed himself, reportedly after being bullied for wanting to join the middle school cheerleading squad

Gender stereotypes continue to hurt our children. I’ve had this discussion many times with parents of boys who are uninterested in football, video games or things that society says “boys should do”. Individuality has no boundaries, and no rules other than what we place on ourselves. This is a problem for society to change, the children shouldn’t have to.

KFOR.com

[ooyala code=”lmajY0cjpksZbtTSTZS4dXQXOmPUEUuB” player_id=”e94d1153704449a897d545a2af16e53c”]

FOLSOM, Calif. – A community is mourning the death of a middle school student who took his own life after alleged bullying over cheerleading.

Friends say 12-year-old Ronin Shimizu left Folsom Middle School  last year because he was teased about wanting to become a cheerleader on the school squad.

So, he enrolled in a home-school program , according to FOX40.

“Bullying him because of cheerleading…it’s not right.  It’s what he loves to do and that’s a human right to do that,” said 11-year-old Mia Kleinbardt.

“Well…we were aware of allegations of bulling. I can’t speak to specific allegations but like all allegations we investigate them fully,” said school district spokesman Dan Thigpen.

“I heard thasomebody called the bullies and told them that he passed away and they were like shocked…like realized..learned their lesson on how words can hurt,” said Riley.

Those who loved Ronin can only hope…

View original post 35 more words

Fairy Day Maker #1

This happens to everyone! Grrr!

This happens to everyone! Grrr!

Is there anything worse than coming out from a meeting or lunch that ran late and having a parking ticket on your car? Well today, as I was parking, I noticed the meter maids lurking about on the street. I also noticed the car beside me either didn’t bother to pay parking (which is always a possibility) or he was in fact running late (it happens). Whether they paid parking or not didn’t matter to me and we have to take this attitude more often in life when opting to do a good deed. I paid for my parking, and I also dropped another 30 minutes into a perfect stranger’s meter. Again, whether the perfect stranger realizes their tardiness was covered doesn’t matter to me. I’d like to think I just reserved a small piece of good karma somewhere in the universe. Perhaps in the form of my very own perfect fairy day maker? Let’s face it, the meter maids are a lot faster than we are! We could all use a little help from time to time!

You too can be a Fairy Day Maker! It’s the little gestures that make a big difference.

Party of Two: Vegas Wedding

Shabazz Wedding

Shabazz Wedding

Marriage is a big step to take in life, in fact, it’s the biggest step you can take. Taking that big step for a second time, well, there’s a lot you learn to do better and smarter than before. The thought of getting married in Vegas seemed almost taboo to the both of us. Growing up in homes that believe love and family are the only thing, it seemed strange to consider a wedding for two. I’ll be honest, we didn’t consider it. In fact, we’d agreed we would not get married in Vegas when we decided to vacation there. Our November get a way turned into a memory we will honor for the rest of our lives. November 5th, 2014 was as unplanned as much as it was planned. We knew we were getting married, we just had no idea it would end up being in Vegas. The criteria for our wedding was always easy; simple, affordable and about us. I think the last part was the most important piece of criteria for the wedding; getting married was about us. Planning an “about us” wedding gets more challenging with every guest added to the list. I had no interest in a celebration designed for guests and not the guests of honor!

I know some brides may feel compromised because it’s “her” day. It was the total opposite for me. It wasn’t a glamorous day or a day filled with the usual hustle of “getting ready”. In fact, I got married with the make up in my purse, the curling iron in my luggage and we had breakfast at the House of Blues that morning. It was an ordinary day, 75 degrees and sunny, a normal day. I like normal, and I love the irony in him being the only one there to support me and I him! I love our parents, I love our children, and I love our friends but he and I are the only ones that need to put the effort into this journey of love. I can’t think of anyone I would have wanted to have there more than him.

I don’t feel cheated because we saved thousands of dollars. I don’t feel sad we didn’t have an audience to validate our love. I am proud of us. We made our marriage about the journey, and not the day.

Whatever wedding you choose…Encourage prosperity, love, and strength…choose love, save the show for the TLC network! Happy planning brides to be!